giancarlo can!

Custody Evaluator Has Been Paid

Well, the custody evaluator has finally been paid and she has continued working.

Ex-wife, the girls and I have separately gone in for meetings and (hopefully) are done with everything. It is my understanding that she will soon start working on her final report and we can all (finally) move forward.

Now that the custody evaluator has been paid, there really isn’t much point to this (fundraising) blog. I may post more in the future, but probably won’t post anything until this whole custody fight has concluded.

I really appreciate the feedback everyone has given me. I will be checking in every now and then with minimal updates. For now, goodbye; I wish you good luck with your projects. I’ll let you know how this turns out.

-giancarlo

Snowmobiling without Helmets

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Today, when the girls were telling me about their weekend, they told me each of them had gone snowmobiling with [your younger brother] on Saturday (on your birthday).

Gabrielle told me you had already left town (i.e., [city where your parents live]) by the time they were done, however, you were aware of the activity when it began.

I think snowmobiling is a dangerous activity. Natalie was riding while your brother [younger brother] was driving. Gabrielle was both riding and driving. The girls were riding around the yard, an open field and all the way to Culver’s restaurant. All of this was done without helmets.

It is my understanding that this practice is against the law. I ask that this stop immediately.

Thanks.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You have driven Natalie around for years without a car seat and/or booster seat which I believe is also against the law.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

My subtlety must have been lost in email. Rather than snap back with an unrelated accusation, I assumed you would take my message to heart and actually take the time to look up the laws for yourself.

The statute regarding seat belts is [our state] statute 169.685 which states only children under the age of four are required to sit in a safety seat. I informed you of this information while we were married.

The statue regarding snowmobiling is 84.872 which states, “no person under the age of 18 shall operate or ride a snowmobile in this state without wearing protective headgear…” Violation of this statue is a misdemeanor.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You took Natalie out of her car seat before she turned 4. I also informed you of this when we were married.

You know, I could have sent you the [state] statute about serving alcohol to minors (your 18 year old cousin and her friends at the house with my kids there) but I didn’t. It’s also against the law to speed…but I suppose you don’t do that either.

You do what you think is appropriate when you have the girls and I will do the same.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Once again, I don’t see how events that (allegedly) happened years ago have any bearing on the safety of the girls this weekend.

That said, you simply cannot continue breaking the law.

Role Model?

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Today, the girls told me you drove by my parents’ vehicle on Wednesday morning. As you know, my parents were involved in a car accident; they were rear-ended while stopped at a red light. [Grandpa] and [grandma] were a little shaken up but (thank God) did not sustain any injuries.

The reason for my message isn’t to report on my parents’ condition, rather tell you how disgusted I am with the reaction you had when you drove past. The girls reported you laughed once you realized it was my parents who were involved in the roadside accident.

Outside of breaking the law (see my earlier message), I can’t really tell you what to do when you are with the girls. I am sending this message to tell you how deplorable your actions were. I would expect someone of your age [28] to know better, but it is not okay to laugh at people when they are involved in an accident. Do you really think it is okay to drive by the scene of an accident involving the girls’ grandparents (or someone you don’t even know) while you casually laugh? Do you think the girls should look up to someone who behaves with such poor taste?

I know you have been involved in at least 5 accidents over the past year (with at least one of them involving the girls). Do you think it would be acceptable for the girls or me to laugh as we drive past you?

For what it’s worth, I told the girls that (despite your behavior) it is not okay to laugh at people when they get into car accidents.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Once again you seem to know everything.

I have not been in “5 accidents over the past year”.

Tuition?

Email from me to [ex-wife]

At court today I was given the impression you were interested in helping to pay for the girls’ tuition at [girls’ school]; I had no idea. How much would you be willing to contribute towards the debt?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

I’m not sure how you got that impression; neither I nor [attorney] said anything about me helping pay for [girls’ school] tuition.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

My mistake. Are you willing to help pay for [girls’ school] tuition?

Email from me to [ex-wife]

[Five days later…] Are you willing to help pay for [current school] tuition?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

I cannot give you a yes or no answer without knowing what you are agreeing to first. What have you worked out with the school? Have you checked out financial aid? According to my last email with [employee] she said you have not asked about financial aid.

As of right now, it looks as if the girls won’t be able to attend [girls’ school] next year. I am thinking about registering them at [public] Elementary just in case. I can’t wait until the summer to figure out what is going on with them in September. Please let me know your thoughts.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I have been speaking to [a different employee] about financial aid.

I think the girls should stay at [their school]. If the girls are unable to stay at [their school], I think they should definitely go to a different private school.

How much are you willing to help pay for tuition?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

If you can’t afford [current school] (or anything in Judge [K]’s orders) how do you expect to pay for another private school?

Again, I cannot make a decision on what I can and will pay for school without knowing what you are willing to commit to.

I think getting them registered at [local public school] would be a good idea. We need to figure out a plan real fast.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Most of the other private schools in the state cost less than half (many less than a quarter) of [current school] tuition. Have you looked at other private schools? I have looked into a few.

Easter

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Easter is March 23rd this year. I believe that is your weekend but I also believe Easter is my holiday this year. As you know, every year we go to [ex-wife’s grandparents] for Easter. The girls missed going down there this past Thanksgiving and Christmas because they were with you. Would you be able to either switch weekends with me or let me have the girls Saturday afternoon?

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I know you usually go to [ex-wife’s grandparents], I don’t think you go every year. I would rather not deviate from the order as I usually end up getting less than my already minimal time.

I had the girls for only three hours over Christmas (even though it was my holiday) and I completely lost New Years Day (even though it was my holiday) and my Thursday. Would you be willing to give me Easter as a make up holiday?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Well, I didn’t think you would go out of your way. I just want to thank you for ruining most of my holidays, which you know mean so much to me. You can say whatever, you know full well I (we used to) go to [ex-wife’s grandparent’s] every Easter.

Yes, I had Gabrielle on Christmas Day but that was your decision. You said you only wanted them from 5-8PM. And yes, I had them for New Year’s Day - because Gabrielle was extremely sick and slept for about 90 percent of the day. You did not lose your Thursday (the Thursday after New Year’s I’m assuming you’re talking about). The girls were with you.

A make-up holiday? Good luck. I have offered you plenty of extra days with the girls that you have either turned down or refused.

Please don’t reply. I don’t have time for your nonsense. If you do, I will not be replying.

Once again, you’ve been a pleasure.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

You asked me to go out of my way to give you extra time. I said, “no.” Now I’m the bad guy?

CHRISTMAS
You were supposed to have the girls Christmas Eve and I was to have them Christmas day. You told me Christmas Eve and Christmas day was really just one holiday. You said you would be willing to give me Christmas Eve and Christmas day next year as long as I agreed to give you the entire holiday this year. When I came back with, “you had them for the entire holiday last year. Why don’t I have them this year and promise to give you the kids next year?” When it was me who would be getting the entire holiday, you decided you didn’t want to lump the entire holiday together.

You then came back trying to tell me that Christmas Eve is defined as noon on the 24th until noon on the 25th. You then told me it wasn’t in the best interest of the girls to be driven around early in the morning. You also said it didn’t make sense for you to drive the girls back to [your house] so I would have to drive 70+ miles to [your parents’ house] at 10:00 AM or 40+ miles to [half-way point] at 11:00 AM… You didn’t even give me the option for picking up the girls where they were supposed to be; in [your house].

I could see you weren’t going to return the girls at the time we usually exchange (i.e., 8:00 AM) when you stated, “Of course you want to “implore the same schedule”. I think making the exchange at 8am Christmas morning is completely ridiculous.” Your attorney said the order was not explicit about exchange times over holidays so I just threw my hands up in the air and said, “okay… it’s a Tuesday so you can’t argue that I can’t get them at 5:00 PM.). You were given half of the holiday but ended up getting all but three hours of it. How did I mess that holiday up for you?

NEW YEARS
On New Years you just took it upon yourself to keep Gabrielle at home but not take her to see a doctor. Natalie was fine, but Gabrielle was sick so you kept both girls. Not only was New Years my holiday, but it was also a Tuesday. When I showed up to the [your house] house with the police you didn’t even bother coming to the door. You had the girls for New Years Eve and New Years Day. How did I mess that holiday up for you?

THANKSGIVING
I was supposed to have the girls on Thanksgiving and you were supposed to have them on the Friday after. You gave me extra time over Thanksgiving because you didn’t bother showing up to pick up the girls when you were supposed to. Despite my having to go to work (and telling you ahead of time) on Thanksgiving Friday, you didn’t leave your family to spend some time (i.e., your scheduled, court-ordered time) with the girls. How did I mess that holiday up for you?

You only offer me days with very little notice. You have (for lack of a better term) stolen time from me and offered me crumbs of time when I am supposed to be at work.

EASTER
So now I am faced with (yet again) a situation where you have previously changed the rules to better suit your needs. Now that the tables have turned you seem to be changing the rules in the opposite direction (i.e., start the holiday early). Wouldn’t it make more sense to follow the schedule you have been following? That is, Easter would be defined as noon on Sunday until noon on Monday. I have plans with the girls for Easter morning so (rather than get them up too early) you may pick them up from the [my house] house at noon.

I’M RUINING YOUR HOLIDAYS?
I would like to address your previous statement, “I just want to thank you for ruining most of my holidays, which you know mean so much to me.” I was assuming you already knew this, but I’m not here to ensure you have a pleasant holiday, the holidays are for the girls. You are supposed to be an adult and a parent, these holidays aren’t for you; they are for the girls.

I am not ruining your holidays. History has proven I’ve been forced out of lots of time with the girls over the holidays (so you get more time). Your holiday enjoyment isn’t my responsibility. As someone who is living in my pre-marital [pre-marital = before we were married] house, sleeping on my pre-marital bed and watching my pre-marital TV, you aren’t going to get sympathy from me about a ruined holiday (that wasn’t ruined to begin with). You have spent a lot of resources to reduce my time with the girls. You won’t let me talk to the girls on the phone and you won’t even return my Christmas tree, my other personal belongings or even things that belong to my parents. How in the world would you expect me to reduce my (limited) time with the girls for nothing more than your convenience?

I look forward to your reply.