giancarlo can!

Custody Evaluator Has Been Paid

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 09:11:28 -0500

Well, the custody evaluator has finally been paid and she has continued working.

Ex-wife, the girls and I have separately gone in for meetings and (hopefully) are done with everything. It is my understanding that she will soon start working on her final report and we can all (finally) move forward.

Now that the custody evaluator has been paid, there really isn’t much point to this (fundraising) blog. I may post more in the future, but probably won’t post anything until this whole custody fight has concluded.

I really appreciate the feedback everyone has given me. I will be checking in every now and then with minimal updates. For now, goodbye; I wish you good luck with your projects. I’ll let you know how this turns out.

-giancarlo

Snowmobiling without Helmets

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:27:31 -0600

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Today, when the girls were telling me about their weekend, they told me each of them had gone snowmobiling with [your younger brother] on Saturday (on your birthday).

Gabrielle told me you had already left town (i.e., [city where your parents live]) by the time they were done, however, you were aware of the activity when it began.

I think snowmobiling is a dangerous activity. Natalie was riding while your brother [younger brother] was driving. Gabrielle was both riding and driving. The girls were riding around the yard, an open field and all the way to Culver’s restaurant. All of this was done without helmets.

It is my understanding that this practice is against the law. I ask that this stop immediately.

Thanks.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You have driven Natalie around for years without a car seat and/or booster seat which I believe is also against the law.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

My subtlety must have been lost in email. Rather than snap back with an unrelated accusation, I assumed you would take my message to heart and actually take the time to look up the laws for yourself.

The statute regarding seat belts is [our state] statute 169.685 which states only children under the age of four are required to sit in a safety seat. I informed you of this information while we were married.

The statue regarding snowmobiling is 84.872 which states, “no person under the age of 18 shall operate or ride a snowmobile in this state without wearing protective headgear…” Violation of this statue is a misdemeanor.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You took Natalie out of her car seat before she turned 4. I also informed you of this when we were married.

You know, I could have sent you the [state] statute about serving alcohol to minors (your 18 year old cousin and her friends at the house with my kids there) but I didn’t. It’s also against the law to speed…but I suppose you don’t do that either.

You do what you think is appropriate when you have the girls and I will do the same.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Once again, I don’t see how events that (allegedly) happened years ago have any bearing on the safety of the girls this weekend.

That said, you simply cannot continue breaking the law.

Role Model?

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:07:01 -0600

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Today, the girls told me you drove by my parents’ vehicle on Wednesday morning. As you know, my parents were involved in a car accident; they were rear-ended while stopped at a red light. [Grandpa] and [grandma] were a little shaken up but (thank God) did not sustain any injuries.

The reason for my message isn’t to report on my parents’ condition, rather tell you how disgusted I am with the reaction you had when you drove past. The girls reported you laughed once you realized it was my parents who were involved in the roadside accident.

Outside of breaking the law (see my earlier message), I can’t really tell you what to do when you are with the girls. I am sending this message to tell you how deplorable your actions were. I would expect someone of your age [28] to know better, but it is not okay to laugh at people when they are involved in an accident. Do you really think it is okay to drive by the scene of an accident involving the girls’ grandparents (or someone you don’t even know) while you casually laugh? Do you think the girls should look up to someone who behaves with such poor taste?

I know you have been involved in at least 5 accidents over the past year (with at least one of them involving the girls). Do you think it would be acceptable for the girls or me to laugh as we drive past you?

For what it’s worth, I told the girls that (despite your behavior) it is not okay to laugh at people when they get into car accidents.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Once again you seem to know everything.

I have not been in “5 accidents over the past year”.

"I am no longer allowed to exchange email messages with you while I am at work. I will do my best to..."

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:20:00 -0600

“

I am no longer allowed to exchange email messages with you while I am at work. I will do my best to answer all of your messages when I am at home.

If you need a quick answer to a question, feel free to call my cell phone (555-555-5555).

”

- Me (via email) to [ex-wife]

Tuition?

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 12:13:00 -0600

Email from me to [ex-wife]

At court today I was given the impression you were interested in helping to pay for the girls’ tuition at [girls’ school]; I had no idea. How much would you be willing to contribute towards the debt?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

I’m not sure how you got that impression; neither I nor [attorney] said anything about me helping pay for [girls’ school] tuition.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

My mistake. Are you willing to help pay for [girls’ school] tuition?

Email from me to [ex-wife]

[Five days later…] Are you willing to help pay for [current school] tuition?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

I cannot give you a yes or no answer without knowing what you are agreeing to first. What have you worked out with the school? Have you checked out financial aid? According to my last email with [employee] she said you have not asked about financial aid.

As of right now, it looks as if the girls won’t be able to attend [girls’ school] next year. I am thinking about registering them at [public] Elementary just in case. I can’t wait until the summer to figure out what is going on with them in September. Please let me know your thoughts.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I have been speaking to [a different employee] about financial aid.

I think the girls should stay at [their school]. If the girls are unable to stay at [their school], I think they should definitely go to a different private school.

How much are you willing to help pay for tuition?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

If you can’t afford [current school] (or anything in Judge [K]’s orders) how do you expect to pay for another private school?

Again, I cannot make a decision on what I can and will pay for school without knowing what you are willing to commit to.

I think getting them registered at [local public school] would be a good idea. We need to figure out a plan real fast.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

Most of the other private schools in the state cost less than half (many less than a quarter) of [current school] tuition. Have you looked at other private schools? I have looked into a few.

1098?

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 11:11:33 -0600

Me: Have you received the 1098 document from [the] bank? I need this document for tax purposes. May I have a copy?

Ex-Wife: I have not received anything.

Me: [The bank] tells me all 1098s were sent out in January. I still haven't received the 1098 form from you. Do you have this document?

"[Ex-Wife] is going to ninja all baby daddies… Well, at least mine."

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:21:00 -0600

“[Ex-Wife] is going to ninja all baby daddies… Well, at least mine.”

- Ex-Wife

Is this a threat?

First Communion Class

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:26:00 -0600

Ex-Wife: [Jan 23] There is a parent/child First Communion class on February 9th from 9AM to noon at the old church (the one we were married in). Please let me know if you plan on attending.

Me: [Jan 23] Sounds like fun. Is this a required class? If so, can you provide me with contact information (i.e., a phone number) for the person that makes that decision?

Ex-Wife: [Jan 23] You want the contact information? Why must you go over my head when I try to set up appointments, etc? I am telling you all the information. Will you be there or not?

Me: [Jan 24] No, I am not going over your head, and no, you didn't give me all the information. Is it required? Can you provide me with some contact information?

Me: [Jan 25] Do you have this information?

Me: [Jan 29] Do you have this information?

Ex-Wife: [Jan 29] I have called and will let you know when she gets back to me.

Ex-Wife: [Jan 30] I received some more information regarding Feb. 9th. Apparently the time is from 9am to noon but we can go anytime. We will go through learning centers that should last about an hour. You do not have to go but Gabrielle and I will be going.

Ex-Wife: [Jan 31] There is another one on March 8th at 1pm that I cannot go to. Would it work out for me to go to the one on Feb. 9th and then you can go on March 8th?

Me: [Jan 31] Is it required for Gabrielle to attend? Do you have a phone number?

Me: [Jan 31] I just want to know if this stuff is required. I would also like a phone number. If I have the girls and the event is required, we will go.

Ex-Wife: [Jan 31] Yes the classes are required. I have the girls both of the weekends; Feb. 9th and March 8th. Will you be attending? Again, I wouldn't mind taking her on the 9th if you could take her on the 8th. Let me know.

Me: [Jan 31] I guess I'm just looking for more information. Could you pass along a phone number for me?

Ex-Wife: [Feb 8] Gabrielle and I will be going to St. [name]'s tomorrow around 10AM. Please let me know if you plan on attending.

Me: [Feb 8] Could you send me a phone number for someone who can provide me with some information about the event? I believe I've been asking for this number for almost three weeks. It is now the 11th hour and I still have minimal information about this event. Thanks!

Ex-Wife: [Feb 8] You are delaying this and being stubborn because you don't want to go...then you're going to try to make me look like the bad guy.

Ex-Wife: [Feb 8] I gave you all of the information. There is no reason you need to call anybody. Yes it is required. It is from 9am to noon and you can go anytime in between. The stations will take us about an hour.

Me: [Feb 8] Can you just give me the name and number for someone in charge?

Ex-Wife: [Feb 8] If you really cared you would have found the number on the internet. You know where to find that...you don't need me to give you any of that...again, just another stall tactic of yours. I really wasn't expecting you to go...and now you'll blame me for the reason you didn't go because you didn't get a phone number. I told you all of the information.

Me: [Feb 8] Well... I called a few hours ago and they told me the person I need to speak to is gone for the day. I also spoke with Gabrielle, she told me she wants me to attend. At what time will you be at the old church?

Ex-Wife: [Feb 8] Well, I guess you should have called sooner. We will be there close to 10AM.

Me: [Feb 8] Why didn't you give me a name and number back in January?

Natalie (left) and Gabrielle (right) outside when we were...

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:10:13 -0600

Natalie (left) and Gabrielle (right) outside when we were blowing frozen bubbles.

Easter

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:54:00 -0600

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Easter is March 23rd this year. I believe that is your weekend but I also believe Easter is my holiday this year. As you know, every year we go to [ex-wife’s grandparents] for Easter. The girls missed going down there this past Thanksgiving and Christmas because they were with you. Would you be able to either switch weekends with me or let me have the girls Saturday afternoon?

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I know you usually go to [ex-wife’s grandparents], I don’t think you go every year. I would rather not deviate from the order as I usually end up getting less than my already minimal time.

I had the girls for only three hours over Christmas (even though it was my holiday) and I completely lost New Years Day (even though it was my holiday) and my Thursday. Would you be willing to give me Easter as a make up holiday?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Well, I didn’t think you would go out of your way. I just want to thank you for ruining most of my holidays, which you know mean so much to me. You can say whatever, you know full well I (we used to) go to [ex-wife’s grandparent’s] every Easter.

Yes, I had Gabrielle on Christmas Day but that was your decision. You said you only wanted them from 5-8PM. And yes, I had them for New Year’s Day - because Gabrielle was extremely sick and slept for about 90 percent of the day. You did not lose your Thursday (the Thursday after New Year’s I’m assuming you’re talking about). The girls were with you.

A make-up holiday? Good luck. I have offered you plenty of extra days with the girls that you have either turned down or refused.

Please don’t reply. I don’t have time for your nonsense. If you do, I will not be replying.

Once again, you’ve been a pleasure.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

You asked me to go out of my way to give you extra time. I said, “no.” Now I’m the bad guy?

CHRISTMAS
You were supposed to have the girls Christmas Eve and I was to have them Christmas day. You told me Christmas Eve and Christmas day was really just one holiday. You said you would be willing to give me Christmas Eve and Christmas day next year as long as I agreed to give you the entire holiday this year. When I came back with, “you had them for the entire holiday last year. Why don’t I have them this year and promise to give you the kids next year?” When it was me who would be getting the entire holiday, you decided you didn’t want to lump the entire holiday together.

You then came back trying to tell me that Christmas Eve is defined as noon on the 24th until noon on the 25th. You then told me it wasn’t in the best interest of the girls to be driven around early in the morning. You also said it didn’t make sense for you to drive the girls back to [your house] so I would have to drive 70+ miles to [your parents’ house] at 10:00 AM or 40+ miles to [half-way point] at 11:00 AM… You didn’t even give me the option for picking up the girls where they were supposed to be; in [your house].

I could see you weren’t going to return the girls at the time we usually exchange (i.e., 8:00 AM) when you stated, “Of course you want to “implore the same schedule”. I think making the exchange at 8am Christmas morning is completely ridiculous.” Your attorney said the order was not explicit about exchange times over holidays so I just threw my hands up in the air and said, “okay… it’s a Tuesday so you can’t argue that I can’t get them at 5:00 PM.). You were given half of the holiday but ended up getting all but three hours of it. How did I mess that holiday up for you?

NEW YEARS
On New Years you just took it upon yourself to keep Gabrielle at home but not take her to see a doctor. Natalie was fine, but Gabrielle was sick so you kept both girls. Not only was New Years my holiday, but it was also a Tuesday. When I showed up to the [your house] house with the police you didn’t even bother coming to the door. You had the girls for New Years Eve and New Years Day. How did I mess that holiday up for you?

THANKSGIVING
I was supposed to have the girls on Thanksgiving and you were supposed to have them on the Friday after. You gave me extra time over Thanksgiving because you didn’t bother showing up to pick up the girls when you were supposed to. Despite my having to go to work (and telling you ahead of time) on Thanksgiving Friday, you didn’t leave your family to spend some time (i.e., your scheduled, court-ordered time) with the girls. How did I mess that holiday up for you?

You only offer me days with very little notice. You have (for lack of a better term) stolen time from me and offered me crumbs of time when I am supposed to be at work.

EASTER
So now I am faced with (yet again) a situation where you have previously changed the rules to better suit your needs. Now that the tables have turned you seem to be changing the rules in the opposite direction (i.e., start the holiday early). Wouldn’t it make more sense to follow the schedule you have been following? That is, Easter would be defined as noon on Sunday until noon on Monday. I have plans with the girls for Easter morning so (rather than get them up too early) you may pick them up from the [my house] house at noon.

I’M RUINING YOUR HOLIDAYS?
I would like to address your previous statement, “I just want to thank you for ruining most of my holidays, which you know mean so much to me.” I was assuming you already knew this, but I’m not here to ensure you have a pleasant holiday, the holidays are for the girls. You are supposed to be an adult and a parent, these holidays aren’t for you; they are for the girls.

I am not ruining your holidays. History has proven I’ve been forced out of lots of time with the girls over the holidays (so you get more time). Your holiday enjoyment isn’t my responsibility. As someone who is living in my pre-marital [pre-marital = before we were married] house, sleeping on my pre-marital bed and watching my pre-marital TV, you aren’t going to get sympathy from me about a ruined holiday (that wasn’t ruined to begin with). You have spent a lot of resources to reduce my time with the girls. You won’t let me talk to the girls on the phone and you won’t even return my Christmas tree, my other personal belongings or even things that belong to my parents. How in the world would you expect me to reduce my (limited) time with the girls for nothing more than your convenience?

I look forward to your reply.

Mortgage Discussion

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 13:28:00 -0600

Email from [ex-wife] to me

I spoke with [gal] from [bank] this afternoon. She said that you told her our agreement was I would pay the mortgage for January, you would pay the mortgage for February and we would split the rest of the months. Unless I missed something I don’t think I agreed to that.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

That’s not what I told [gal]. Actually… I didn’t even speak with [gal].

Quite honestly [ex-wife]… I have no idea what you said and to whom. Weeks ago [gal] told me you were willing to pay the full amount of the adjusted mortgage payment. I can’t afford it. When I went to show up for signing the paperwork I was told I needed to pay half. I don’t have it. I told them what I know.

All we need to do is spend ten minutes to talk this whole thing over. This isn’t rocket-science. We are sending messages through four different people and (quite obviously) it isn’t working. Let’s set up a time to discuss.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

[gal] told me she heard that from [guy], the gentleman you met with yesterday. I went to see [gal] today and she said your attorney mentioned another agreement. The only thing that “isn’t working” is your poor communication with your attorney.

I will not be discussing anything of importance with you.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

How in the world are we going to get anything done if you won’t discuss anything of any importance with me?

That said, are you willing to sit down to discuss mortgage payments so we can save the house from foreclosure?

Email from [ex-wife] to me

I am not going to sit down and “discuss” anything with you. Your version of “discussing” is me agree with you or you get upset. Why would I discuss and/or agree to anything with the one person who has and would screw me over in the blink of an eye?

If you have anything you would like to discuss please have your attorney contact my attorney.

Kids as the Messenger (via email)

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:49:37 -0600

Me: Last night Gabrielle gave me more mail. Please stop using the girls to relay messages, mail and notes.

Ex-Wife: We have already gone through this. Please do not fill my inbox with these riduculous emails and please do not put anymore pressure on Gabrielle.

Homework Issues

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 08:51:00 -0600

Email from me to [ex-wife]

On Tuesday, Gabrielle brought home a homework assignment that had only 13 of 22 (9 wrong) questions correct. I assumed this homework had been done on her own (at [daycare]). When I asked Gabrielle about the assignment, she told me she had completed the sheet at the [your place] house (under your supervision). I asked if Gabrielle got any help from you, she replied, “Mom told me I just wanted the answers.” She went on to tell me that you refused to help her, instead you spent the evening working on your own homework.

In one of your previous emails you stated, “Gabrielle gets most of her homework done in the homework room during [daycare] although they do not check the answers. I check Gabrielle’s completed homework each night - especially her math sheets.”

Based on recent events, it seems your statement isn’t true. Though I don’t re-do or re-check homework Gabrielle completes at school, I always do homework with Gabrielle. Also, I always check the homework Gabrielle and I do together.

Can you address any of these statements? Thanks.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

Why do you ask me questions when I know you won’t believe my answer? Why would I waste my time answering them? Do I really need to explain what I do with the girls every second I have them? No, I don’t. You are not there, you do not know what goes on.

As far as “13 out of 22” wrong, I have many math worksheets from days they are with you where she has over half of her problems wrong.

Please keep your parenting “tips” and “concerns” to yourself.

Sunday's Pickup Via Text Messages

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 21:02:00 -0600

Ex-Wife: [8:04 PM] Its past 8pm. Bring the girls out now.

Me: [8:05 PM] Are you here?

Ex-Wife: [8:05 PM] What do u think?

Me: [8:06 PM] I don't know... That's why i'm asking.

Ex-Wife: [8:07 PM] Grow up. Bring them out.

"Please keep your parenting ‘tips’ and ‘concerns’ to yourself."

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 08:06:38 -0600

“Please keep your parenting ‘tips’ and ‘concerns’ to yourself.”

- Ex-Wife (when I asked why she refused to help our 8 year-old daughter with her homework).

"I will not be discussing anything of importance with you."

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 12:44:32 -0600

“I will not be discussing anything of importance with you.”

- Ex-Wife (via email)

According to the Judge’s Temporary Order, I pick up the...

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:29:00 -0600

According to the Judge’s Temporary Order, I pick up the girls from her residence at certain times, and [ex-wife] does the same.

On this day, over Christmas break, I call [ex-wife] because nobody came to answer the door [at 5:00 PM] at her place. [Ex-wife] explains that the kids are at daycare and that is where I will need to get them.

One of many (of the exact same) recordings when [ex-wife] comes...

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 22:36:00 -0600

One of many (of the exact same) recordings when [ex-wife] comes to pick up the girls from my place.

Instead of coming to the door, she calls from the driveway.

Missing School

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:13:00 -0600

Email from me to [2nd grade teacher] with a CC to [ex-wife]

Hello again [2nd grade teacher]. I hope this message finds you well.

I just wanted to send this message along to inform you that Gabrielle will not be in class tomorrow (Wednesday, January 23). Gabrielle has spent most of the evening with a temperature between 100 and 102 degrees.

My parenting obligations ended this evening at 8:00 PM, however, feel free to call me with any questions ([555-555-5555]).

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You’re right, your parenting time ended at 8PM. You were in no position to email the teacher saying Gabrielle would not be there. Please don’t do it again.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I was just trying to help… I was told (by [employee] at [daycare]) that Gabrielle’s fever was over 101 (while she was still at [daycare]). Last night I recorded Gabrielle’s temperature at slightly over 102 degrees.

According to the school nurse, children are not allowed to return to school until they have been fever-free for 24 hours. This means their temperature does not exceed 100 degrees without the aid of Tylenol or Ibuprofen.

My official parenting time expired at 8:00 PM, however, the message was composed while Gabrielle was still under my care (approx. 9:00 PM). More importantly, even though my physical time with the girls had ended, this does not exclude me from communicating with her teachers.

In other words, I do not intend to stop communicating with the school. I can, however, stop extending the courtesy of CC-ing you on those messages. Either way you decide, please let me know.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You are not allowed to say if the girls will or will not be going to school. That is not up to you regardless of the school rules. I don’t care if you talk with the teachers or not, but you are not allowed to say what the girls will or will not be doing during a school day.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I disagree. If either of the girls has a temperature (i.e., 100+) during my parenting time (on Tuesday or Thursday night) then she does not go to school the following day. Sorry.

Email from [ex-wife] to me

You can do whatever you want with the girls when it is your time. You can not say what the girls will or will not be doing when the girls are with me.

Email from me to [ex-wife]

I think I understand… It seems my word choice gave you the impression I was controlling you. I’ll try not to let it happen again.

The next time the girls are with me (within 24 hours of school) and they are sick (e.g., 100+ temp, vomiting, etc.) I will not decide where they will be. As a parent, however, I will fulfill my obligation to tell the school that the girl(s) were sick with me and I don’t anticipate their arrival the following day. This would ultimately leave you in full control to decide if anyone goes to school.

I just want to be clear… Though I told Gabrielle’s teacher she wouldn’t be at school, I did not force her to stay home; that decision was yours.

Click to clean your screen

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:58:27 -0600

Click to clean your screen : via Graham & webmarc — david